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  My body responded quickly to his needs. Even though I was sound asleep just moments ago, my senses were fully awakened. Every part of me had a heightened awareness of Louis. A tingling sensation swept over my body and a delicious aching formed in the pit of my belly.

  My trembling hands reached around to his back, and I began to trace my fingers up and down the cotton of his shirt across the ripples of his back. I didn’t palpate any bandages during my survey, so I continued pressing against him.

  Louis soon followed in my quest for discovery as he explored my exposed skin with his hands. So much for the first rule. Did I actually agree to these rules? Clearly I hadn’t realized what I would be missing. Still with our mouths fused together, he reached beneath the covers and brushed the back of his hand over my bare thigh. I couldn’t help but moan with gratitude. His touch sent a fire of desire through my bones, blended with a lightness, like being lifted into the air on a cloud of delight.

  A throaty moan escaped him and dampness developed in my underwear. He broke our kiss long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it onto my bedroom floor. His respirations were still erratic and his blue eyes were holding me captive with an intense stare. I could see emotion on his face, but I wasn’t sure what emotion was there. Was it passion or lust? Was it sadness or regret? Please just kiss me some more.

  I reached up to his muscled chest and pulled him over me while bending my neck back, exposing the sensitive skin for his touch. He pecked my neck with a trail of ardent kisses while his warm hands slid underneath my shirt. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and he seemed to be happy about that revelation because without any wasted time, he was soon caressing my breasts with the pads of his fingers. I needed to feel his skin flush against mine and a layer of cotton created an unwanted barrier. As if he could read my mind, he tugged at the bottom of my shirt. I assisted him by pulling it over my head, and he tossed it to the floor with his own discarded shirt. The third rule was definitely broken now.

  He dragged his lips away from my neck, but while still handling my swollen breasts, his cobalt gaze pulled at me, urging me to look at him. I observed his slack jaw as he released the hold of my aching mounds and grabbed the sides of my face before sliding his fingers down my cheeks. “You are so gorgeous, Charlie.” His breathing remained uneven and heavy.

  I didn’t know what to say. I just grinned widely and proceeded to pepper light kisses over his broad chest. When I licked his nipple, he winced and quickly drew the covers back to reveal me in nothing more than my pink lace panties.

  I grabbed the erection that was building in his shorts and he enveloped one of my taut nipples into his mouth. I screamed his name, but he never released the firm hold his mouth had on my rosy bud. While he performed magnificent twirls with his tongue around one of my nipples, he was gently squeezing the other between his finger and thumb.

  I had to have him then. “Please, Louis.” I wanted him desperately—no, I needed him. God, I had to have him.

  He tugged at the hem of my panties and swiftly pulled them down to my ankles. I kicked them off and located the waistband on his shorts. He rid himself of his shorts and underwear while simultaneously trailing kisses down my abdomen.

  “Stay right where you are,” I huffed while rolling over to my side and reaching into the top drawer of my nightstand.

  I grabbed the foil wrapper and tore it open with my teeth. Louis grabbed it from my hand and applied the latex material to his full erection, while I admired his nude form. I had no interest in any more foreplay. I needed to feel all of him. I knew from that moment that he was the only man that could fill the void that was left in the empty pit of my heart.

  I reached for his shaft in the hopes of guiding him to the place where I needed him to be, but he had another plan. He hastily impaled me with his arousal, stealing my breath away. He wasn’t gentle, but he didn’t hurt me. I stretched and adjusted quickly to accommodate his size and girth. As his thrusting began moving in a rhythmic pattern, I felt like I would leave the earth and float away on that cloud that I was on. When my climax rumbled within me, rippling waves of ecstasy shook throughout my body.

  Bursts of light exploded behind my closed eyelids as I felt myself tighten around him while the walls of my inner core quivered from the best orgasm of my life. His body stiffened with his own release and he collapsed on top of me. He tried to prop himself up on his forearms to keep from crushing me, but his exhausted body didn’t cooperate. So much for the fourth rule.

  The thumping of his heartbeat against my own chest was comforting and spoke to my own heart. I knew I was meant to be with him. Without hesitation, I whispered “I love you” as I trailed my fingernails up and down his arms.

  I didn’t expect what happened next. Louis rolled off me and headed to the bathroom without a word. The cool breeze left from the wake of his rapid departure left me feeling extremely naked without the warmth of his body hovering over me. I pulled the sheet back over my body to cover myself and extinguish the chill left in the air. When he left the bathroom, I figured he would return to my bedroom—to my bed—with me.

  But instead, I heard footsteps moving away from my room down the hallway. Maybe he was thirsty? I heard some fumbling around in my living room, so I decided to get out of bed and see what he was doing. But before I climbed out of my bed, I heard the heavy door to my apartment swing open and click shut.

  What the hell just happened? I mean besides the rule-breaking, mind-blowing sex we just had. With an exaggerated sigh of frustration, I rolled back over in an attempt to return to sleep, but I couldn’t resume my previous slumber because the tears forcefully flowed like an angry river down my face and loud sobbing ensued. Those damn rules were supposed to prevent this from happening.

  I managed to fall back to sleep somehow, but I wasn’t sure for how long. I stayed in bed when I awakened again, thinking back to last night and how disappointed I had been when my brother showed up with coffee and Louis wasn’t with him. Seeing him last night would have made my night. Seeing him in my bed this morning, certainly made my morning. When he stormed into my bedroom and sexually devoured me, I had my hunger for him satisfied, but that was swept away now. How could we be so fiercely connected one minute and completely distant and apart the next?

  I needed an explanation. Maybe he was just feeling too emotional and needed some time to adjust to his feelings for me. I wanted to talk to him and find out what was going on in his gorgeous head. But I had never been the type of girl to chase after a man. If he wanted to talk to me, he knew how to reach me. I gave him a freaking key to my apartment! What was I thinking?

  I was thinking that I loved him, and I wanted him to stay with me. I yearned to give him a place to go where he felt safe, and I intended to be the person that provided that for him. As I peeled myself out of bed and picked up my discarded panties and shirt on the floor, I decided to shower before putting clothes back on.

  As the hot spray of the shower beat against my skin, I could still feel his touch on me. I could still smell him. And Lord help me, I could still taste him. The taste of him still lingered on my tongue. My breasts felt swollen and my nipples felt slightly abraded from his day-old stubble. Between my legs had a pleasurable soreness, and I wondered why I was washing him off.

  I dressed in a tank top and comfortable yoga pants. When I picked up his clothes next to my bed, I couldn’t help but pull them to my face so I could smell his intoxicating scent. I was acting crazy. But when I walked out into my living room, the bare spot where his duffel bag once sat stared at me like the empty hole he left in my heart. He was really gone. He wasn’t going to come back. And I wasn’t sure that my shattered heart would ever be able to feel whole again.

  When shit happened in my life, I always ran to Cameron for comfort. He always knew exactly what to say and do to make me feel better. He knows me better than anyone, but for some reason, it didn’t feel right running to him this time. I would have to deal with this on my own. I am a twenty-thre
e-year-old woman. I shouldn’t need anyone. I don’t need a pity party, and I don’t need to rely on someone else to make me feel better. I could move forward without needing to feel anything.

  So I went about my life as best as I could. I was off Monday night, but I went to work Tuesday and Wednesday night. I did my best to avoid Cameron. I knew if I saw him, he would see right through me. He would know exactly what was going on. He would take one look at me and know his best friend had broken my heart. More accurately, he would know Louis destroyed me. He would see an empty shell of the person I used to be without the love of my childhood friend.

  I successfully managed to dodge Cam’s texts about bike riding, fishing, and canoeing explaining that I needed to nap because I had to work. I still jumped to see if Louis had texted me every time my phone pinged even though I knew I was being overly hopeful.

  After three days of avoiding my brother, he threatened to drag me out of my apartment if I didn’t meet him at the gym. So I went. I don’t know why, but I agreed to go.

  However, when I walked into the gym for pickup basketball, not only did I see my brother, but I also saw the man that had ripped out my heart and consumed my soul. The color drained from his face when he caught sight of me. And in a millisecond, he left my brother’s side and bolted across the gym to the door leading to the outside.

  I wanted to run after Louis and force him to tell me what was going on. I deserved to know what had happened to make him leave me. As all those thoughts scurried through my mind, I felt water welling up in my eyes and a wave of nausea overcame me. I had to get the hell out of there. I didn’t want to run into Louis in the parking lot, so I walked out of the gym on the opposite side of where he exited.

  “Lean Bean!” I could hear Cameron calling behind me, but I wasn’t interested in speaking to him. I continued my speed walking and took off into a jog that quickly developed into a sprint. I ran to my car and left my brother behind.

  I hurried home to wall myself off from the world of Louis. I struggled with my stupid key in the lock because my hands were shaking so badly upon arrival at my apartment. My legs felt like liquid as I tried to lift them into some kind of gait until I could finally collapse on my couch. Once I reached my destination, I had lain on the cushions on my belly with my eyes closed for several minutes.

  Unfortunately, I was alone with my thoughts again. And I continued to think of the emptiness inside me as a hole. But a hole would be void of any feelings. I didn’t have a void. I was full. I was full of doubt, loneliness, and shame. I was so hurt, yet so full of love for Louis, I couldn’t make sense of it all.

  The sound of a metal key being inserted into the deadbolt of my apartment door caused my heart rate to accelerate and chilly perspiration caused my skin to erupt with gooseflesh. I jolted upright on my couch and forced myself to take in a deep, cleansing breath. I wasn’t expecting to see a man appear before me once the door was shoved open, and I certainly wasn’t expecting the man to be my twin brother braced in the doorjamb of my apartment. Yet, there he was wearing his best pity face. Had I given a spare key to every man in my life?

  14

  Charlie

  “Lean Bean.” His voice was soft and sweet while his face was drawn into an empathic frown. His gentle footsteps approached me, and normally this would comfort me, but this time I really just wanted him to go away. That wall I was so desperately trying to put up was closing in on me.

  “Cameron, I am fine. Can you please go?” I slouched back down and plopped onto my comfortable couch.

  “What happened?” I wasn’t facing him, but I felt the weight of his body sink into the cushions, so I knew he had sat down next to me.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” This was the only time I could think of in my whole life that I didn’t want to talk to my brother. Even when we were kids, I couldn’t stay mad at him for very long, because there was always something I wanted to talk to him about. He wasn’t even the older twin, but for some reason, I always went to him for advice on everything. He was always wise beyond his years, and he could somehow constantly make sense of even the most confusing situations.

  His firm hands rubbed against my shoulders while I remained prone on my couch. “I don’t ever recall seeing you with a broken heart before.” It was eerie and extremely disturbing that he always knew what was going on before I said anything.

  “You don’t know what you are talking about.” I was going to deny it to him even though I was pathetically talking into the couch cushions, too depressed to even lift my head up when I spoke.

  “He told me about his parents.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “But he didn’t tell me about the two of you.”

  Cam’s last statement spoke volumes. I wasn’t significant enough in his life to mention anything about me to my brother. Louis obviously didn’t feel the same about me that I felt about him. I didn’t think he would tell my brother about our one afternoon of passion exactly, but maybe he could have said something like, I’m in love with your sister, and I don’t know what to do with those feelings.

  “I would pick you if I had to make a choice.” His heavy sigh told me that he had something else on his mind.

  “I would never ask you to make a choice between him and me, Cam.” I continued to talk into the couch cushion and face away from him.

  “I know you wouldn’t. It’s not in you to give an ultimatum. You are both my best friends, but you have always stood by me. I can’t say the same for Louis.” I sat up, breaking free of the shoulder massage. Cam’s sagging body posture and the saddened features stretched across his face weighed me down with guilt.

  “The only reason he left was because of me! It had nothing to do with you.” Great. The tears appeared again. Hadn’t I shed enough water over this whole thing already?

  “Maybe I need to remind him that this thing that is broken with the three of us needs to be fixed. I’m not going to stand by passively this time. I shouldn’t have five years ago.” His head tilted slightly to the side and he stretched his arms out and wrapped them around me.

  I sank right into his embrace. Somehow his tight hug made me feel safe enough to let all my emotions free. I could hear my own gut-wrenching sobs as I shed too many tears to see straight. And my brother held me, sitting on my couch, while I extinguished my soul from the plight Louis had bestowed on me.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” Our embrace broke as he pushed me far enough away that he could look me in my water-filled eyes.

  I shook my head no. “This isn’t the kind of thing a girl talks with her brother about.”

  “What do you mean, Lean Bean?”

  I giggled at the rhyme he had just made through my hiccupping sniffles.

  “You used to tell me everything.” He stood and concern washed over his face. I could feel his disappointment. He always had been my confidant. “I guess I will just have to go pay Louis a visit then.”

  As he turned to leave, I begged him not to speak to Louis. “Please, just let me deal with things for a few days before you talk with him about this. I promise I will tell you everything…eventually.”

  “I have never felt like I needed to save you from being wounded by a man. You never acted like you cared enough about any man to give him an opportunity to hurt you. But seeing you like this, Charlie, makes me want to beat the crap out of my best friend.” That was probably the sweetest thing my brother had ever said to me. “If you decide that whatever is going on between the two of you is beyond repair, please just don’t shut me out. I can live without my best friend, but I can’t live without my twin. Because if I’m being completely honest, he isn’t my best friend…you are.”

  I hauled my wilted body up and stood to give Cam a quick hug. “You are the best brother a girl could ever ask for. We’re twins. No one could ever separate us.” I tried my best to reassure him before I broke the news. “I’m going to be gone for a few days. I need some time to think everything over.”

  “W
here are you going?” His puzzled look almost made me feel like I should offer additional information.

  “I promise, I will tell you everything once I get back.”

  “We never had secrets between us before. I’m not sure I like this.” His hand rubbed over his face. “You better have your phone with you at all times. If you aren’t going to tell me where you are going or what’s going on, you better at least respond to my text messages.”

  I laughed at his silly request. “Of course I will respond to you. You are my favorite person in the whole world.” I have always been glad he stayed single because I liked having him all to myself. I’m not sure how I would be able to adjust to sharing him with anyone else. Luckily for me, Cam has never looked for anything serious. However, because of that fact, my brother was not the person I needed right now.

  Sometimes a girl needs her sister. I had never gone to Claudette for advice on anything. But this time, I really needed her advice. I really needed to hear from a female. And truly the only female I trusted enough to tell me the truth was my sister.

  I drove the hour it took to reach the Delaware beach town my sister lives in. I probably should have called before just showing up, but I knew where she would be. She lived in a beach town, and it was summer. This translates to lots of business for the residents, but it also means all work and no play. The residents of the Delaware beach towns work almost every day during the summer months, so you will very rarely find them lounging on the beach or frolicking in the ocean.